What’s That I Feel Growing?

I have recently been feeling a growing appreciation for the body of work of a Miss Gisele Bundchen. She always had her pluses but after some careful consideration I have come to the conclusion that Gisele is banging and Tom and Leonardo are some lucky s.o.b’s. What is it about Brazilian women that makes them so much better then other women. If you compare the ladies through all walks of life from the porn industry to the high fashion world, Brazilian’s seem to dominant other lesser creatures. When you have models like Lima, Ambrosio, and Gisele there really isn’t any competition. And I know that comparing pornstars to supermodels is like comparing apple’s to slightly rotten apples but I stand by my assessment that if you’re a female from Brazil you will either be a low budget porn star or a millionaire supermodel.

Why Do I Feel Guilty About This?

Why do I feel guilty posting this pic. Is it because she is underage? no she is 21 years old. I feel guilty because when I think about gymnastics I think about 15 year olds somersaulting, tumbling and flying through the air on their way to an Olympic medal. So when I find a gymnast that looks very young but is actually only a few years older then the last girl that I banged, I cant help but feel a little guilty. Alicia is actually decent looking and years of lifting her own body weight has transformed her body into a fine piece of machinery. I decided to post this because of my admiration for the work that she has done her entire life to reach the top of her “sport”, and not because I want to put a hurting on that ass. 

I Hate Kanye but…

I hate Kanye with a passion and I can’t believe all of the hype that surrounds him, but I have to admire his taste in woman. Kanye recently released a “shrine” on his blog dedicated to the Australian model and Big Brother contestant Krystal Forscutt and I can’t blame him; the girl is smoking. On a side note, Australia is quickly becoming my favorite country for exporting the finest pieces of ass since brazil took the world by storm. Back to the point, criticize Kanye all you want and trust me I do all the time; he’s a bitch that complains for not getting recognition from award shows that mean little if anything. Kanye should be thanking God that Hip Hop is in the sorry state that it is or his mediocre music would not be considered as highly as it is. So in recognition of Kanye’s taste in women I present Krystal Forscutt enjoy. 

The Greatest Place on Earth

Well, this past week I went to what has become my wonderland. You know how kids love amusement parks well, the clubs have become my amusement park. And let me get this straight, I well defend the honor of any dancer to anybody, well not any dancer but most of them. You will run into your fair share of pimped-out, coked-out hustlers but those are easy to spot and easy to avoid. One rule I like to use is if the girl is white and has those tacky press on nails that are three inches long and she wears some sort of chain then you know to stay away. The funny thing is that these girls are so bad at there job that there really is no point in taking them to the back anyways. 

Can someone please explain to me why people decide that when two people are smoking outside that they can open up to all the perverted things that they do at strip clubs. I do not want to hear what girl sucked you off at the back or how much you paid for that service. I also do not want to hear about the threesome that cost you a weeks pay or how much money a girl hustled you for. Get this straight, dancers are there for one purpose and that is to make as much money as possible. It is an unfortunate side of the business but a lot of these girls are being beaten and fed drugs to keep them as amicable as possible.

One of the funniest things that I have heard is the girl that is actually dancing to put herself through school but cannot leave the business because they make too much money. I mean would you leave a job that is paying you a lot of money for an entry position job where you are looked down upon and treated basically as bad as a stripper is. I want the stigma that goes along with stripping to go away, that way we can get girls that basically pimp themselves out to get higher positions. Don’t get me wrong guys would do the same thing if they were in that position but getting a sex crazed supervisor/boss that would offer a guy a higher salary if he were to go down on her are few and far between. I mean, I would live on my knees if it would guarantee me a six figure salary by the time I was 30, but thats just me.

My point is that strippers are doing the same thing but just out in the open. Sure they have problems and are very easy to bed if you were to meet them for the first time out of the club. The problems do outweigh the good parts, but let me get this point across the positive aspects are usually only related to the bedroom, where your mind will be blown. The negative parts are that the girl is in all likely-hood fucking crazy and will want to make you fucking kill yourself, but the same thing can be said about any quote-on-quote normal girl. 

So my conclusion is that hooking up with a stripper can be fun for a few months but make sure that you are the trusting type because dropping off a girl at work that consists of her taking off her clothes and grinding on some dudes lap for 6 hours can be hard to swallow. 

Here are some videos of wannabe strippers 

Jessica Alba

Random Girls

Salma Hayek

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX8qEkAL0MY

Lindsey Lohan

Why Won’t Vanessa Grow Up?

I have somewhat of an easy question to ask. Why won’t Vanessa grow up? The Vanessa I am referring to is none other then Miss Hudgens. I had never even heard of the girl before I stumbled upon her self taken masterpieces. I have never been as turned on or as ashamed before. On second thought having a hard on and being ashamed seem to fall hand in hand for me. I’m kidding I’m packing serious equipment, trust me. But I digress, Vanessa has been seen doing her costar favors by parading around town with him acting like she lets him in between her thighs. Come on Vanessa who are you kidding? pretending that your having sex with a dude so that everybody would think he is straight is so high school, grow up. Get with a man that would know what to do with your body. I myself would like to see you give Ving Rahmes a chance but I think that cruel and unusual punishment is still illegal in every state except Texas, what a confused piece of land that is. Either way, back to Vanessa that is letting her tight little body go to waste by pretending to hook up with a fairy. I have nothing against gay people, my fathers gay, but it ticks me off a little that one of them is holding such a fine piece of ass away from us heterosexuals. And by heterosexuals I mean guys that look like models and turn down sex because they can and not because their performance is inadequate and they are afraid that the girl would laugh at them. I’m just saying.

Heres my babe:

Alicia Keys Looking Hot But…

Alicia Keys had an appearance on the David Letterman show sometime this week and was looking really hot but something was amiss. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it but after careful examination I came to one very special conclusion, her ass is not a problem. Alicia’s ass is stunning and by stunning I mean that I would be in that ass all night if she asked me to, rim job included. Damn, that is one fine ass. But something else was bothering me about the way she looked, her dress was so tight that it left nothing to the imagination, and don’t get me wrong she looked banging in it. And then it hit me, her itty bitty titties do not match the perfection that is the rest of her body. They look like orangutan titties and for Alicia that is a travesty. She could be the perfect woman, except for the crazed racism that she exhibits, but her titties ruin it for me. I for one am going to start an online petition demanding that Alicia get a tit job so that she can live up to her potential. She could be the total package but of course she has too much integrity and love for self to go under the knife, damn it Alicia why can’t you be a spoiled rich white girl with no self esteem, damn you Alicia, you broke my heart.

The Hills = Best Show on TV

I came up with an equation the other night that ranks The Hills as being the best show on TV. Listen carefully because this equation is complicated, it took me about five minutes to do the calculations and that is only because I am somewhat of a genius. It goes a little something like this, Lauren + Audrina + Whitney + Heidi – Lauren’s friend/ male douches = Best Show on TV. Now let me explain the way I came up with this, I was flipping through the channels when Audrina and Lauren caught my eye, they aren’t that hot but they do rank as solid 8 out 10′s. So I began thinking back, how many shows feature so many girls that I would throw it to? The answer not many, in fact I can’t think of a show that is about nothing that has so many girls that I would bang. And on the plus side sometimes those douches that nail the girls on the show say something funny that justifies them being on the show, other then teaching men everywhere how to treat spoiled rich girls, for the layman that is treat them like shit and they will always come back for more.

**update: on second thought after quickly scanning the photos below I have downgraded my initial rating of an 8 to between a 7-7.5; still equals best show ever though

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