Alicia Keys Looking Hot But…

Alicia Keys had an appearance on the David Letterman show sometime this week and was looking really hot but something was amiss. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it but after careful examination I came to one very special conclusion, her ass is not a problem. Alicia’s ass is stunning and by stunning I mean that I would be in that ass all night if she asked me to, rim job included. Damn, that is one fine ass. But something else was bothering me about the way she looked, her dress was so tight that it left nothing to the imagination, and don’t get me wrong she looked banging in it. And then it hit me, her itty bitty titties do not match the perfection that is the rest of her body. They look like orangutan titties and for Alicia that is a travesty. She could be the perfect woman, except for the crazed racism that she exhibits, but her titties ruin it for me. I for one am going to start an online petition demanding that Alicia get a tit job so that she can live up to her potential. She could be the total package but of course she has too much integrity and love for self to go under the knife, damn it Alicia why can’t you be a spoiled rich white girl with no self esteem, damn you Alicia, you broke my heart.

Obsession of the Week: Britain

This week all I could think about was Britain and it’s impending recession that is going to level that country. Just playing, all could think about is the hot pieces of ass that have come from that great little island. There are way too many to write about so I will concentrate on only the few that make me feel like jerking it. First since I already did a post on her I am not going to mention my angel Kate Beckinsale. I’m going to start of with an oldy but a goody, Rachel Stevens, this girl was the only good thing about that Spice Girl rip off S Club 7. The rest of the girls looked like her retarded cousins when she walked into the room, like posh she was the best looking of the bunch but the worst singer, and therefore the most popular.

The next girl that I am crazy over from England is Cheryl Tweedy. I always thought that girls with dimples where more cute than sexy but after laying eyes on Cheryl Tweedy, I stand corrected. The popular saying now a days is that Cheryl Tweedy is trying to be like Posh, and at first glance the similarities are abundantly present, but unlike Posh Cheryl Tweedy is still really sexy and that differentiates her in my books.

The final girl on the list is a little of a butter face but her body is too crazy for words. I, of course am talking about Jennifer Ellison, this slut has the greatest body that I have ever seen. If her face matched her body the world would implode upon itself, it would be that unreal. I remember seeing her in UK Maxim when they were ranking the hottest women ever adn she came in the top 20 at the age of seventeen. And her body was still F’n crazy.

Honorable Mentions:

Keeley Hazel

Kelly Brook

Britney Spears on the Comback Trail

I saw something today that gave me hope for a better world. I came across pics of Britney Spears at the beach. Now she isn’t much to look at now but if the news reports are to be believed she is working hard to get back into shape. I remember Britney back when she first came out and she was gorgeous, I always prayed for images of her to get leaked without any clothes on, lo and behold my prayers were answered but what I saw was some sort of sick joke. She looked nothing like I imagined, she had let herself go and looked like 90% of the female population, fat and ugly. But after hearing this news about her getting back in shape my prayers have a second chance of getting answered and this time I hope that the images are more pleasing to the senses. 

Madonna Fools the World

I came across a lot of articles today proclaiming that Madonna is an amazing musician and giving her all the credit for her career. I’m here to point out something that is painfully clear to anybody that is not gay or a women, Madonna is her generations version of Britney Spears. She is an overrated songstress who has succeeded mainly due to the hard work of her producers and image handlers. She has a terrible voice, can’t dance and looks like shit. When people are talking about good music they should not even think about Madonna. Here’s a quick list of real musicians that should be ashamed that people consider the dribble that Madonna releases music; Michael Jackson, Prince, Elton John, Led Zeppelin and so on. Even Amy Whinehouse is a better musician than Madonna can ever hope to be. I will give her some credit though, she can take what is hot, steal it, incorporate it into her own music, making it shit as a result, example her rapping in American Life, her teaming with the hottest producer out right now Tim. She tries to stir controversy just so that she seems like a big deal. Guess what, any real music fan knows that she is great at marketing her shit but her shit is just that, shit! So if most women and gay people want to be taken seriously when it comes to their taste in music please start worshipping someone that at least has some musical talent, say Elton John, he’s gay right?

Vanessa Hudgens New Album

My favorite singer is set to release a new album sometime soon. She is my favorite singer because I like sluts that send nude pictures of themselves to their “going to come out of the closet as soon as the preteen girlies forget about me” boyfriends. Tell me that she did not look smoking posing in the buff? She even had the guts to try and bring the bush back, although I’m sure that she shaves it now. I know that all the tweenies are going to be hankering for her new album but I’m going to throw an idea out there. Why doesn’t Vanessa try and break into the Hip-Hop market. It would be easy, all she needs to do is have some new nude photos of herself, this time bush free, in the cd sleeves. Since she has some Spanish in her the black dudes wont think they sold out when they start buying the albums by the millions just to get at the pictures. If she did that I would reserve a dozen copies myself, because that girl is fine.

Alicia Keys is Crazy! not really

For those of you that have not yet heard Alicia Keys has admitted that she is crazy. Okay, not really, but she has admitted in believing that the government is responsible for not only the assassination of Tupac and Biggie but also for the creation of “Gangsta Rap”. Now let me get this straight, the government created the image of groups such as NWA, looking at who Dr. Dre was, you might believe that argument.

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